The sketch kicked off with Beck Bennett as Wolf Blitzer and Alex Moffat as John King, delirious after days in the studio staring at maps. (Sadly, no one parodied MSNBC’s Steve “Khaki” Kornacki, breakout star of election week. Come on NBC, where is that corporate synergy?!) “CNN can now project that Joe Biden will be the next president of the United of States. I know I’m supposed to be a neutral news anchor, but … that feels good. Whooo!” Blitzer said, and high-fived King, who pumped his fist. The audience cheered wildly.
They cut to a reenactment of Biden and Vice President-elect Kamala D. Harris’s victory speech in Wilmington, Del., which took place about three hours before the show — and, impressively, the wardrobe department managed to pull together an almost exact replica of Harris’s white suit.
Jim Carrey took the stage as Biden, and although he has calmed down his previously manic impersonation, the show doubled down on making fun of his age. “Thank you very much, America. We did it! Can you believe it? I honestly kind of can’t. It’s been so long since something good happened,” he said. “Sure, it took forever … but what a release, man. I’ve never felt so alive. Which is ironic, because I’m not that alive.”
He then pledged unity: “Whether you’re from a liberal state like California or a conservative state like Oklahoma, or a cracked-out hot mess like Florida, I will be your president. And I will have an incredible VP at my side: Senator Kamala D. Harris.”
The crowd cheered loudly again as Harris appeared. “I am humbled and honored to be the first female, the first Black, the first Indian American and the first biracial vice president. And if any of that terrifies you, well, I don’t give a funt,” she said, a callback to the show’s earlier description of Harris as America’s fun aunt, or a “funt.” “Also, my husband will be the first second gentleman, and he’s Jewish, so between us, we check more boxes than a disqualified ballot.”
After Harris shared a message to all the Black and Brown girls watching (“Your mom is going to switch from laughing, to crying, to dancing pretty much all night. And it’s not because she’s crazy. It’s because she’s drunk.”), she and Biden assured everyone they would not stand there and gloat.
“We’re humbly accepting this victory,” Biden said.
“Exactly,” Harris agreed. “And I’m just going to play a quick song on my phone.” Cue: Both of them dancing wildly to the “Lose Yo Job” remix, also a TikTok meme.
Blitzer interrupted at this point. “Hold that dance for just a moment. Because people don’t just want to see Biden and Kamala happy. They also want to see Trump sad,” he said. “So let’s check in on the president’s concession speech, which I’m sure will be gracious and factual.”
Of course, this led to Alec Baldwin returning once more as Trump, ranting about a “rigged” election and a “red wave” electoral map that actually turned out to show coronavirus hot spots. “I vow to all my supporters I will fight this thing to the bitter end. I will never give up and neither should you,” Trump said.
He made his way to a piano — and as some predicted, in the spirit of Kate McKinnon-as-Hillary Clinton playing “Hallelujah” after her loss in 2016, he sat down and played a sad version of “Macho Man.”
And then, the moment you may have been waiting for since you heard Carrey announced as Biden. “We have to act graciously in victory, though. We need to go forward together,” Carrey said. “Unfortunately, there are situations in life, and this is one of them, where there must be a winner and …”
If you have ever seen “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective,” you knew what was coming. “A loser.” Or more specifically: “A loo-hoooo-zuh-herrrr.” (Is that spelling correct? No one answer that.) Biden and Harris held up L’s to their forehead to really drive home the point as the audience briefly lost their minds.
Later on Weekend Update, Colin Jost and Michael Che were equally jubilant, as they showed scenes of people dancing in the street and celebrating Trump’s defeat in New York, Washington and Philadelphia, as well as fireworks in London and bells ringing in Paris.
“You know how bad you have to be for Paris to ring church bells when you lose? They didn’t even do that for the real Hunchback’s funeral,” Jost said. “The whole world is celebrating like World War II just ended. And I know this isn’t really the same as defeating the Nazis, but it did end with a fascist leader hiding in a bunker.”
Che joined in: “Trump has reportedly said to allies that he will have to be dragged out of the White House kicking and screaming,” he said. Che didn’t even have a punchline for that one. He just sipped a drink, shrugged and smiled: “Good!”